All images by my pal Lydia Trappenberg, on film in Paris
'The Universe is standing by waiting for your phone call, so what do you desire?' ~ Danielle La Porte
So after a little over two months back here in Australia in the hot, hot summer, giving my nervous system a much needed rest, I'm headed off again in early March. My ultimate destination is Paris, this time with a year-long French visa in hand, with a six week stopover in Bali on the way.
After having to let some big things go here in Brisbane, quite painfully so, I guess at least I'm clearing the way and showing intent for the big things I'm working towards. It's funny cos I always thought fate took care of your direction but I know now I have to steer and hold the wheel equally, with fate as just the co-captain. I guess that's why they call it co-creation.
I'll be in Bali for about six weeks, staying back in my friend's house in the rice fields outside Ubud (navigate to the three rooms he rents out on Airbnb from his profile here!) with fellow nomads including French-Canadian wanderer Mel. This place feels like home now so it'll be an easy stay. Life is easy there anyway - no money worries, the workspaces are friendly and productive places, it's easy to find friends and social interaction and there's all the alternative therapies I can finally afford to do, I can feed myself with nourishing food. Life is good there. We'll do some day trips out of Ubud or long weekends out on the islands.
My Mum is even going to be in town staying at a house nearby with a friend, so this stay in Ubud will be very home-like and nourishing I'm hoping.
After Bali, I'm headed for a fun two-week trip somewhere I've never been before and then on to Paris to do another long stint for at least six months with lots of Euro-explorations in between. I feel like I'm making this place my home and base more and more each time. I'm chipping away at it, slowly building a life there.
As time and travel goes on, I'm drawn to the idea of having something of a base rather than just carrying everything I own on my back at all times. I'm trying to find the sweet spot that supports me best, the spot between living always in one place and living always in every place/no place. Maybe Paris is this sweet spot, maybe I can leave my stuff in storage for the winter and have a few potentials rooms for rent I can call on, a friendship and work community and my things to come back to after trips out exploring exotic parts of the world. Maybe if I ask for it I can have that.
Last month I finally took the plunge and got up the courage to apply for a visa allowing me to stay a whole year in France. I know it's not such a big deal, but it feels big for me. And the feelings of resistance the whole process brought out in me surprised me very much. I even managed to get quite sick with tonsilitis as I was going through it all, getting my documents together, booking an appointment, flying down to Sydney, going for the interview...I wonder if it's anything to do with some aversion or fear of living even more in my truth by making this move, the tonsils are around the throat chakra, the communications and truth-speaking centre of the body after all.
But why did I feel so uncomfortable going after something I've always wanted? Why did I want to avoid doing something I knew would bring me more freedom and happiness? I think the answer lies in the fear of finally getting something you want. It's that thing of finally doing something you've talked about for so long, finally having your dream come true and wondering, 'what if I fail', 'what if I'm disappointed', 'what if it isn't the answer to everything?'. I guess it's better to do it and finally know rather than always wonder.
I can feel all the good feelings rushing in as I prepare for this trip and everything progresses. This asking for what you want thing is really powerful, I recognise I need something like a new computer or a room to rent in Paris or a person to help me with x, I make one small move to make it happen and pretty soon, that thing turns up in an often-weird way. But equally, I'm always surprised at how much courage and positivity it takes me to leave Australia every single time. And I always get confused again when I spend time here...this is a wonderful corner of the world where I'm from, objectively it has so much to offer. Why do I feel the need to leave it?
Funny that all this would coincide with a free ticket to go see Danielle La Porte speak here in Brisbane last night. She asks you, 'How do you want to feel?' and advises building your goals and actions around getting these core desired feelings into your life, rather than saying you desire something physical like a house or a holiday or money. But she's all about asking for what you really want, not wondering if you have permission to ask for what you want. This was the backup I needed this week, keep asking, keep going, keep wanting what you want.
I'm working hard lately on bringing my Brand/Marketing business into the light more with my sister, we'll show you what we've been up to very soon. I really want to make some major changes to this site too soon. The Travelling Light started as a travel blog but it's evolving into so many other things too to do with the digital nomad life, the incredible nomadic, creative people I'm meeting on the way and the soul lessons I'm learning through this lens of travel. So I'm trying to let this site become what it wants to become, and renovate its home to suit the changes.
Anyway, that's what's going on with me lately, I'll write again soon once I get to Bali,
p.s. Dedicating this song to myself lately, I need my light :) 'I can't see nothing without your light' so trying to keep it light over here